Stairs

I'm going down... this is my turn to go downstairs. or to be exact, every time is my turn. i used to go upstairs but that was just for a while. i'm so glad to have the opportunities to be on the top. i used to be different, my way of thinking were different from the others, that is what abah taught us. and i apply that for myself and i don't like the outcome. maybe i'm too young for that, being perfectionist, fear of failure and etc. that is not normal abah. you , yourself can't even handle it. by the time you turning 40++ you start to realize that thing slowly reduce and the person who help you a lot is mama right? i watch her giving you advice and patient towards all those thing you ever done to her.. i respect her with all my heart and yes she's not a robot she have a heart and feelings too.and sometimes she can't help herself,so by letting all the pressure that you gave to her she will past it to us..i don't mind cause i know what will i feel if i'm in her place.actually i am you and her. this combination is not good for someone like me.. i tried to be nice and i didn't get the same. i'm lost.. i'm not strong enough abah.. i'm sorry... shit haha i'm crying while typing(gila emo) hahaha..again i'm sorry i tried to find myself but i kept on losing track. i should have listen to myself..or i shouldn't? i need someone too abah.you have mama but what about me? the doctor said why don't you refer to your mom and ask her what did she said to your dad that help him becoming what he is now..i've tried but mama will never understand me cause she's tired of listening to these crap. over 25 years she listen to you and now she have to listen to me and of course she won't... she would say arhh that is small matter don't think too much. but for me it is not... what should i do now.i'm sorry cause i'm not your son abah, i disappoint you a lot from the day i was born until now.. there must be something wrong with me.yes it is.. i will change myself again...

today i hit someones car and i have to pay rm125. never gets better.....................................