bro ken

to many broken things.cannot be fix. it will fall sooner or later.

loveloveland

i've lost in our love fantasy. its a great thing to feel. but in the end we have to snap back to reality. and realize all this may have grown you up or knock you down. it depends on yourself actually. we cant blame others. we have the right to think,  to feel, and to choose.

KECTHup!

Assalamualaikum,

its been a while now since my last writing. i have no clue on what to write. although there's many things that i want to share here. so i guess lets just start about my life in University.

i am now still in uitm shah alam.but in a different course. the course that im taking right now is Graphic design. kinda disappointed when entering this course because i have a lot to catch up. we were left far far behind. we as in me and aiman . and i started entering the class after 3 weeks of study. such a mess. anyway lets just say that im not in a good condition this semester. catching up is harder that i thought. my feelings gets all mix up. thinking on quitting study. but naah for sure my parents wont allow me. economy crisis they would say. its hard to find job nowadays. you should be thankful to have the chance to further your study.many unfortunate people would want to be like you. ok then era you are now going to build up your confident and try to push all the bad things behind and change your bad attitude and turn it into something good! haha its too long and too complicated.

new chapter of my life. i should try new things.new new new. that should be good for me.

like we used to be

transformer

its been quite a while now i didnt write anthing. i guess i should start now and start fresh. before this i used this blog to express my sadness, things that had happened between you and me. but we're 21 now. and we have a lot of things to think beside our love desire. i guess love have make me think deep. deeper than i used to think. its about being mature and independent. i'll pray to Allah every single day.. hoping that HE give us taufik & hidayah and iman. Of all the challenges that we're having im hoping that Allah will bestow us patience and mercy.  what ive learn is that there's a limit in love. i've gone through your tumblr just now. and i realise there were hints about you getting tired of us. but i guess i never give up. until recently you realise that you have wasted your teenage life with crappy love. its ok aiman. i guess this is your time.. and i should respect that.. All guys i mean all mens are like that.. they're not ready for commitment. i guess i should think that way too..since there's many things to do in life.. aiman i know i've done so many bad things towards you. i've hurt your feeling.i have broke your trust.. and etc. im sorry for that. i really am sorry. and i can assure you i am changing to be better me and better muslimah.but i guess thats not enough rite sayang.. Ya Allah.. help me. i dont know how to explain what im feeling right now. im confused. but i know you always be there for me Allah.. and im glad that you help me to think wise. and not to feel grieved for losing u aiman. i love you.. just one last thing , after this if you ever feel angry please go and take a wuduk. insyaallah Allah will calm you down. i trust you aiman and i believe you..there's a good side of you. you just have to believe it. i know you can aiman. my love for you will never end. as i always pray for you to be my khalifah.. the husband and the father of our children. amin. insyaallah. and i never regret having you being part of my life over these years.


i love you AIMAN FIRDAUS and always will..

tireeeeeeed of listening and believing

hello present me

low self-confident . that's is what i'm struggling with now. i have this fear , this fucking feeling inside of me that i've been avoiding. i just can't stand it. it's getting worst than ever. past couple of weeks when i did my presentation in front of lecturer and my friends. i didn't feel anything at first. but all of a sudden this weird feeling came crawling into my mind. and i don't know whether my heart beat slowly or faster than normal as it always do. then i feel like i lose my consciousness for a short time because of a temporarily insufficient supply of oxygen into my brain. i can't see clearly.my eye sight is getting blur. i've tried to fight that fear but failed to do it until now. still suffer with this fucking annoying symptom. i know you will think this is stupid.i'd try not to believe.but sometimes it kills me for not knowing what is happening to me. i just hope you and me understand what is happening to me right now. and figure this out.

ps: i'm lack of everything. easily give up and pemalas.that's my fucking problem.pemalas. i don't know why.i have no effort in doing something.i do have interest in something but i have no effort on trying my best to learn it by myself.this is why when i do something then i stop doing it. it is because i feel like i'm so stupid. i'm surrounded by creative people. i feel stupider than ever. with people kept on yelling and telling me that i'm stupid. push me harder to not believing in myself. what am i supposed to do. Ya Allah please help me.please guide me.. let me be strong..

say

what is it that you want to know? i can't figure it out. you have made me become someone that i don't even know how explain and how to deal with myself anymore. i start to think deep , dark , and i have no clue. i can't get my point straight. i started to blame myself , well others too. i love you.but you make me confuse with everything. i don't know how you express your feelings towards me. you said that you need me but certain things you don't bother to make me be the first to know. i know i'm lack of everything. even i like to call myself as jinx. but that doesn't make me the last to know. sometimes i feel that you want your life back. you want to spend your time with your friends.i can do that.i can handle that.i'm sorry for being this annoying little bastard that control your life or whatsoever. you always think that i'm the fire in every fight we had. maybe my words are just shits as me. i don't know. i don't know. before everything went bad. i'm telling you the truth - i can't stand it when i'm the last person to know. i can't stand it when you said my stories are boring. you and your twitter. your girlfriends that doesn't seems to bother my existent. and you always ask me to tolerate when it comes to girl and your reason with schoolmate. you hate everything about me. name one thing that you like about me? do see any chemistry between us? i'm lack of everything ,i'm stupid. i feel so small and so low whenever you and azhar or others were talking about things that i'm not good at it. i want to be with you.i want to be like you.you have full confident in yourself. you can do everything.i'm so proud of you.i love to brag bout you when i'm with my friends and cousins.but did you the same?i guess not rite?cuz i  have nothing.yes i know you will say that i have no target or interest on concentrate in one thing.i did feel that you know.but you wont let me.but i'm fine with that. it takes time.it takes you to help me and guide me you know.i always need you for everything. but sometimes you feel that i'm using you.but the truth is i just thought that you're goin to be my husband, so i need you to be in everything i do. guide me. help me. don't scold me don't get mad at me. yes i'm slow.i'm not a fast learner. and i'm lazy. i hope you can be patient about it. i can't stand when people critic or shout at me. you as my boyfriend you should have known rite?please aiman.i love you more than anything. i love you so much. but theres things that you need to learn to be a great boyfriend and husband-to-be. i know i did too much wrong in the past.but that was my past.i'm your girl now. and i'm ready to be your wife. of course i have learned from my mistake and trying my best to be a better person.maybe sometimes i forgot. but i'm trying aiman.i love you.and i want to marry you.why in the world would i ever find another guy or flirting around? i have you? it seems to bother me when the first thing you think about me is flirting around and being a slut. aiman if i'm that bad. and you still can't tolerate and forget bout my past then what are you waiting for?i'm no good. i hate it when you smoke.i just hate it.that is so not you.aiman that i know he did not do those thing. i'm freaking mad cause you're trying to be a man and cool when you're with azhar.with his provocative words. i fucking hate that. i know what happened between you guys.guys always talk shit."what?why didnt you smoke?haha you scare of her?haha..hoho"CRAP! that is bullshit. yes i'm jealous with azhar. he want you so bad.since first semester.everybody know aiman.everybody know. i can see the look on his face when he's the first person to know bout you. and now i now you will say that i'm talking crap.i don't know bout the truth. only Allah know his feeling towards you.all those words are just because i'm too jealous. see like i told you before i can't think straight. so aiman please and please think about everything. do you really need me?and why do you need me?what am i to you?

ps:i love you so much aiman firdaus.i just want you to be happy.

no doubt

there's no doubt bout how much i still love you.. and how much i care bout you.but in the end all i want is you to be true to yourself. think about what you want. think about what you want in the future.about who i was in the past. what had happened in the present.  i'm not good in words. and not good in everything either. so all i want is you get the best. perfect.ok maybe not perfect.but much better than me. just think and please let me know.. thank you .

ilyaiman.

O.O

there's nothing left to say. damage has been done. what's left is mystery. think hard think twice. more would be nice. set your pride high. search deep.

in the end

so i guess this is it.. the very end of everything. never thought this will happened..



i have nothing to say.

http://youtu.be/ERlf_9BW4iA