fuck english i know im not that good.never been in UK for 3 years. fuckbye

burfabor

enough already.i'm tired telling you things.. you kept on doing the same thing over and over again. i know sometime you  didn't meant to.but the thing is i have heart. i called you so many times last night but you never even bother to call me this morning to say anything a least a word.i haven't heard from you at all until
this evening i called you.but you acted like nothing.don't ask me why.ask yourself.  

what have i done

what have you done era?you make a very big mistake in your life..you should have fight back and don't give in..and now look what happened.look at yourself.you can't do anything anymore.shit man.. fucking hate thinking.why you always think and regret.can't speak for yourself.this is ridiculous.

you

today you've realize something about yourself. which is what you'd always say to yourself. yet, today is different.today are the things that happened from the start,from the day you were born. since that day many things happened many weird things happened towards you. yet you still can't figure it out. you're so confused with yourself. you can't sleep.you're tired..what should you do? what should you do?

feel

i feel like stabbing myself with a knife. oh man! i hate this feeling. the feeling like one of those japanese cartoon where their soul flew out from their body but not fully.just hanging above their head. who am i to you exactly? i still wonder.. why do you need to do those thing?smoking?what do you want for your life actually?do you still need me?or am i just your part time lover? someone who give you love whenever you feel like having?
aiman i'm tired..please.i'm tired...can you help me please? sakit hati dan dada..

you

you've changed my dear.. i don't know whether i'm being paranoid or something but yes you've changed.i want the old you.. the one who tell me stories.. i don't mind if the story is boring. i just want to listen.. i want to hear about you..to remember things.. i'm scared.what if one day i forget everything.i don't want to shut myself down. cuz i have you now. but if you don't need me please tell me now so that i can proceed ...........




its 3.18a.m still can't sleep.. 30oct2011

can i tell you - 4

can i tell you i can't sleep every night thinking bout you and not having the chance to speak or to look at your face?

can i tell you - 3

can i tell you that i've waited for the time to turn 7 p.m something..cuz i know that's the time you finished working. and i'll get all excited waiting for your text or waiting to call you.

can i tell you - 2

can i tell you that i often look at the clock and wonder what you were doing that time.

can i tell you - 1st

can i tell you that i purposely wear a pajamas tonight so that you can tell me that i look cute in it. (cuz i thought  we're goin to skype)

one more thing

you sure know that i'm a curious person right?can you please tell me if you have a problem or something or you don't want to talk about this right now at least i can understand and i can stop pushing you and asking you all this crappy question..what bothers me is your sudden change.why syg?why? explain to me so that i can understand?

easy

i'm not worth it.at all.. hello how r you aiman?can i ask you something?do you still want me?do you need me? cuz i really need you.all the time. i'm confused right now.what's bothering your mind? can you please tell the truth? if you really need me and you really think its ur fault then you should have try to change.try hard to change..and remember those tiny little things that you think it doesn't matter to you but for me it does. like texting me when your are awake.when i say texting i don't mind if you tell me in fb.if you are ashamed.then you can tell them in fb msg right?is it that hard syg?if it is..then you should tell me then i wouldnt hve waited for your msg at whatever source you used.. i just hope you tell me the truth.what you feel right now.cuz i can see some changes in you..it is quite depressing for me to figure that out.i hope you don't mind telling the truth bout how you feel about me..if you think we should do this or that just tell.let me know.don't let me figure the puzzle out by myself. 

SAYANG LET IT OUT!

at last

awwwww...so cute!that smile

 

muka menipu xmenjadi! boo!

alololo...gotcha!

weeee! i'm so happy and glad.at last i can see your cute prof.clone face! you cut your hair sweety so cute ya know?i want to play with your hair please? can i? *wink * wink.. weeeee! sorry.im so excited..  muah! ily

holiday come again

as you know i just finished my 5th semester in uitm. a lot of things happened. many things happened actually.. the expect and unexpected. this semester is kinda tough and rough for me. i cant barely stand the havoc between our classmate.. this semester teach me to think twice before you trust someone.. what happened before is kinda bullshit for me but lets just forget bout that..or maybe lets talk bout that later..

what i wanna highlight here is its going to be a month and a half of holiday.. what should i do?what should i do without you here? i miss you aiman firdaus. i miss you so much! im so sorry bout the on going call and text you get from me. i just miss you so much. its been 4 or 5 days i didnt see your face. i kills me ya know? please sayang i'm sorry if i bothers u a lot. its just because i miss you too much! you were there for me.. when things get rough between me n my friends. and we spend a lot of time together.so its hard for me to get use to this situation.what i mean by situation is not having you here with me... i love you sayang.please trust me.. i hope you love me the way i do! mmmuaah! xoxo!

professor clone.

i'm trapped!

wuaaa...

i'm cute

i love you sayang, ur weird face makes me smile!please do that again.. you can be annoying and sweet at the same time ya know? muuaaah!!!

SELAMAT HARI RAYA MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN

Assalamualaikum my dear friends and family, nearly one year i've been blogging..altho there's nothing interesting to be read still this is something that came from my heart..(not related at all this came out because i saw my post bout raya at our faculty.haha) don't mind this..

i would like to take this opportunity to wish my muslim friends SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI Maaf Zahir & Batin..

sorry for what i've sinned..i'm sorry for hurting anybody that i love and i care.. sorry to all my friends..hopefully we can be friends again..lets just forget what happened before?please? if you read this.. :)

and for my family (i'm not good in words)..i'm sorry for what i've done,sorry for everything..thank you so much for taking care of me and give so much things that i need this ramadhan.. i love you all!

and for my sayang, i'm sorry if i hurt you.. i love you so much!please be patient..there's good things awaiting for you. after what happened to you this ramadhan..all you have to do is be patient ok sayang?i know you can do that.. and i'm sorry for taking this picture..aww u so cute make me love u long time.hehe..

anyonyonyo..my sayang! i love you so much..all part of you basically (ctrl+c , ctrl+v) 

:) mmuaaah! selamat hari raya!

glad

ur coming to penang!i'm so glad!weeheee... can't wait to meet u here at last.. baby i miss the time we spend together..let's save some money!then you can follow me to UK.hopefully. i love you. more than you know.enough talk.muah!

dear mr.clingy

                 
         

my sayang, i miss so much ya know? y r u so far away.. fuuuuuu !! haha.. can u imagine the face that im doin right now? i love you. please be happy..im here..

tonight wasn’t like any other night I’ve lived for during this whole semester break. tonight it’s different. tonight is really depressing. she’s not here. as for the other nights before this, i’d go online and was able to talk to her. she cheered me up quite well after a not-so-awesome-day. we shared stories about our daily life and all our journeys. although she’s totally over confident about her cuteness and what not, it doesn’t really matter at all (maybe i lied, you’re not that cute. HAHAHA) . she’s very understanding and very patient. i kept telling my self, why didn’t i became her friend earlier. after a day without your presence, its all good here. I can’t imagine the oncoming 4 days.


Where'd you go? seems like you care less bout me now..

i love you too

i love you too aiman..why do you have to be scared? scared of what sayang? please.. and please.. i don't  want us to be like this. you used to talk a lot..what happen? i don't want to lose you either.. and i need you too, more than you know. its just that i don't know how to show you. that is me.. i'm trying to understand your situation. you have to help your parents.i understand and that is why i'm not trying to be demanding.although i want you especially this ramadhan.cause this is our first time celebrating it together.but yah you have your family business to deal with.that's ok with me,if i can help you i'll try.i'm trying to be positive which is i know that you're mine.. please sayang. don't think too much.i'm paranoid too. i love you aiman and i still do.  more than you know. muah! do take care of yourself. you promise me you want to eat a lot?

a while

its been a while now you didn't update anything from your tumblr.. why? what happen to us? there's no thrill anymore.. busy?i have nothing to say.. i don't know what to tell..its me who talk less..

hey you

yes you! i miss you la cha! whenever you said that ur goin somewhere besides shah alam..i feel like ur goin far from me..its kinda sad ya know? please do miss me and take care of yourself..cant wait to see you!

ps:ilyafssm

disease

i have this disease.that surely can harm anyone who dare to be with me and also for those who want to be my friend.i wish there's a way or something that can heal.this infections has turn others life up side down.. i don't know why,but over these years all i know is there's something wrong with me.everything is surely my fault..wth is wrong with me? i'm so sad!seriously i am.. i want to cry so hard.. i was hoping you're here with me.but its ok , i know you're too bz with catering and all..  i'm losing hope.ya allah please give me strength. when will this thing end? i want to be like everyone else..having friends.thats my problem.i don't know how...i just don't. T.T

mistakes

choose wisely

once you got in you can never go back.

expression

people kept on noticed. i smile less? do i?  en.hafizan you make me wonder bout myself again. realize that i'm not good in making friends or having close one.there's something wrong with me? but what is it? shit i don't get it.how am i supposed to know? i try to change. still nothing..  herm... keep on wondering era.

bloody ass!

hey fucker! stop stalking my blog la you ass! you really like to do that ha? i don't mind if u know this from me.the hell la dude!what the fuck is wrong with you? you hate it when people meddling in your life.want your so-called privacy? the fuck ! then stop bugging others la shit. and please i ask you nicely delete all your copy paste. fuck if i hear this from others i won't tolerate any of your bullshit anymore!(haha ayat copy paste)

somewhere only we know.

this journey of mine started at this train station.i've waited about 2 or 3 hours for this special someone to pick me up from another station. one by one, train past by. question in other's mind "why is she still sitting?" "where is she going anyway?". yah i'm alone waiting, and don't know why deep down inside there's no anger.i tried to search deep,maybe waiting for you is the best part of the journey till you arrived with this scent that i recognize so well and you know you can't lie about it. sayang why you have to ruin my mood?(quiet mood) teeettttt ......  yes you really know how to calm me down right?shit you! we arrived, and i was so tired. we did things that i've plan while ago if i'm with someone i love. notebook, how sweet of you for not letting me watch that movie.weee :)  at 8 we were starving, then we ate kfc. sucker punch and priest we bought it along the way.how cool is dat? i miss you. i miss you so much! hope we can do it again soon! i love your smile, your own scent, your voice. mr.clingy! muah! aha!jyeah got new name for you. mr.clingy! ilysmaf

SABAK BERNAM

all of a sudden you told me you're going to this place i never heard of (ok i did but never been there). the worst part is you told me you be back by tuesday. what the fish? what am i supposed to do?i'm lost.shits!
then the best part is your lying. haha shit you,still i'm glad! wuhuuuuu!!!!weeehuuuuu!!
sayang dont forget bout me ey! can't wait to see you tomorrow. muah! i'm going to miss you la shit ass! hehe... love you!

mr.Anonhead

dear mr.Anonhead, first of all i would like you to know that i love you so much. and i'm glad you're here in my life.i've done so many hurtful remarks towards you.but yet you still here with me.through thick and thin.and you know that i would rather choose the thick one.hee tak sedap la nak hug sayang. :P hahaha. ok anyway we had a wonderful time this past few days.( 21st - 23rd of june 2011) thank you sayang for being patient on finding the place (althought you did said a few bad words back there) and waiting for my scene although it was less that 5 second i think.we'll see the result.can't wait to watch that movie with you and azhar. i'm touched ya know? you really support me with all your heart.i can see that and you do feel the same right bby? that makes me love you even more sayang. thank you for your support and i hope i do the same towards you,i want you to be happy and do things that you like. as long as we have each other everything goin to be fine kan syg?kan? (ok sorry if my post is kinda boring and lame) sayang please listen to me?don't ever smoke again? i love you and i want you still the end.and shit i don't like to see you lying on the hospital bed again.i'm worried like shit ya know? please sayang? mmuah! I LOVE YOU AIMAN FIRDAUS.

6 a.m

still awake.speechless how things can happened so fast.happiness comes for short period of time.this is life.this is her. now in 2011. wordless. isly

baby

you're not a cendawan la baby..why la you have to think that way? i love you okay! can't wait to see you.somewhere only we know.. GAMBATE!!you can do it. faster ey cha?muahhh!!

habibababubu era

Mira thank you for spending your time listening to my story mory and give me advice on how to boost up my confident level cause you know i'm not that tough.i hope i can be like you some day. cause everything will be easy when you can say whatever you wanna say, and do whatever you want to do..  you're not alone. we as teenagers have this same problem on finding ourself.get what i mean? like i said i'm not a good writer. but what i'm trying to say is, at one point we will have this sort of dilemma to make decision for our future or to be clear , who are we exactly in this present. as for me i'm still searching for myself.sometimes i wonder which one is the real me? we try to change to fit in with the society. we ought to think we are different. yes we are.each and everyone of use have different kind of interest and that is not weird.accept who we are.then people will accept you!

bewildered!

w.a.i.t.a

what happened?sudden change. there's a story. from the brain of a "director". starting to imagine things way beyond the wall that has created while ago. sense getting weaker. searching for oneself.  will you make it through? you'll figure it out one day. there were never easy nor simple. search deep.

igh

t at11.30 igh. aa 4 o 5 if nothng happend.

here

the fact that i've waited for you seems endless when i saw you somewhere through sn.i guess i'm not worth  knowing and even worth loving. i hope you're happy with your decision.. i love you.i always do..mmuah!

damn you liar!

damn you liar,you take away my favorite food. i hate you IKEA! all this while those meatballs i ate tak halal rupanya! hajimaa! feel like punching something. i can't accept the fact lor. now i have to find new one laa.....aigoo!!

i was going to write about 'fact' but suddenly i have nothing..

waiting

how to say this..emm ok i've waited for you this 2 weeks.but i guess you have made your decision not to see me. i hope i know why.

it is me

yes its me.its been a while i didn't write.i'm sorry.i was busy i think.yah i'm sure i was busy taking care of abah here at the hospital. since i'm in kedah i miss u alot.maybe i don't know how to show it but i hope you can feel it.although before coming back to kedah was quite a drama. i hope it won't happened again. i know i've hurt you alot.i'm sorry.i'm not a good writer.my words aren't that awesome. all i know is i love you sayang.that's all that matters.let me prepare myself..whatever decision you make i'll accept it with open heart i guess? haha ok i'm talking crap. muah! i miss la cha!

thank you

dear aiman,thank you for the cake.and its mango delight that is you.thank you.i didn't eat that cake yet.cause i thought we can eat it together while looking at your new mac book pro.but turns out you're sick and couldn't make it.i'm worried, is it me or just my silly feelings.you changed.you do need me,do you? i hope i can see you and tell you stories,bored one i think.nevermind.

already implanted in my heart

dear sayang, i know by the time you read this you just got back from sjmc. but i want you to know that i love you and do take care of yourself. i'm disappointed for not being there with you. However, please and please do call me if you feel bored or anything.I'm here sayang. don't worry everything going to be fine! insyaallah.. :)  saya doakan yang terbaik! nothing serious right syg? so what should i do for this next 2 days if its 2 la kan.what if 3 or 4?? Omgush!! i'll suffer toooo! i'm going to miss you so so so muuch.and ily!

anyonyo..sleepy ey cha? mwa.

25th may 2011(my baby goin for operation)

pahang oh pahang

22nd - 24th April 2011

salam, whats up guys! yaw i'm sorry, this supposed to be last month punya update but i didn't get the chance to upload and update because of certain reasons... one of them is we were in a big fight..yes me and sha. aepy and ayien,aiman and azhar.haha although bad things happened after the trip but for me its worth it.

actually the truth is we didn't plan to go with aepy,we thought on renting a car and share the money with our friends.but it turns out none of them can join us because of certain reasons too.not having enough money,too expensive..hello? 3 days in pahang, one rental car, and petrol gas for RM100? you call that expensive?

ok, anyway back to our trip,here some pictures from my camera. yah i know not that much, most of the picture with aepy..


1st day ,

yah on our way, it was raining heavily

arrived,  nasi sambal tempoyak petai ikan bilis. (1st time yaw)

pak long's house

at night , sambal petai ikan bilis, ikan singgang,ayam,sambal belacan, many more nyumm!!

he found japanese people

2nd day ,

KENDURI KAHWIN ! 

Ok, i don't have the pictures of the wedding cuz this camera were used as video camera.now all i have to do now is learn how to make video. hajimaaaa how la!!

after the wedding we went to this river. i don't remember the name for that place,sorry! but i was fun, and the water is kinda cold. aiman shampoo his hair. haha.. then back to aepy's kampung we eat summore! n n cheese cake. :)

3rd day ,

went back and ikea!

ohmygusshh! meatballs i love u.

hand wax yaw!

bun bun.

bling bling owl.. :) thank u syg!

then we headed back to shah alam...end our journey with shisha and sleep all day.hahaha.....

barely

today wasn't my day.i don't know why i,but i feel like crying.shit! i have to be tough! i wish i can be a dude.not the girl that cry over something stupid and need attention from others.that is stupid and pathetic.please! hello,wake up era!! this is life. just keep it to yourself you pathetic short fat girl. barely breath.what is wrong with me.idiots!see im talking to myself. what a rough day. owh just shup up.

ps: sorry for this post.kinda lost ya know.

little green bug

today we are going to learn about how to kill a bug in the toilet..nott

i just finished taking making shower and washing my clothes. it took me one hour because there's one little green bug (i don't know the specific name for that insect ) but all i know is i killed him already.sorry little fella, i didn't mean too but you scared me off ya know! i was afraid you going to jump at me so instead letting you jumping around the toilet i sprayed the water towards you.but its though..you one though little bug. i spend 20minutes sprayed cold water but nothing happen and i was sweating like mad..then after a while i decided to used hot water.first i pour it on you yet nothing happen then i open the shower,i put it on high temperature and sprayed and yah it works,but i have to spend 15 minutes to kill you. it was tough,yah i know.. and i'm sorry little bug,i really am.... rest in peace you green warrior. i'm sure your family would be so proud of you. heeee :)

ps: i didn't mean to kill him its just one of my reaction towards bugs in the toilet. weird ey?haha..

pps: this is not the bug looks like. don't get me wrong i don't hate them. and i like this cartoon ok!one of my favorite when i was a kid.

Bother

a very good evening to everyone. today i'm going to talk about friendship and myself.i don't know how to start and what should i say first but never mind let's get to the main point.noott!

I realize how different i am from what i was before. yes i have to admit i love making friends..more friends is better..cuz thats how we role in this life. but then i realize something that i should've realize it long before.actually i'm not good in making friends i don't know why but that is me.i try to please everyone,like EVERYONE.maybe thats how i feel towards everybody and that don't mean they feel the same. At least i try ok? yes no matter how i try things will turn out differently and maybe worst..and i don't get it why people have to meddle in my life?i'm not some kind of artist or something!please stop talking about me please i'm begging you guys! i hate my life... i wan't to do something that i like.liking you is the best new thing i've done after recover from a heartbroken.and as usual it won't be a happy ending.this is just great!just great.feel like locking myself again..maybe i should stay away from people.or maybe i have this strong vibe for people to hate me.sometimes i wish my parents would understand my condition...there's something wrong with you era.should i just scratch my face?"yes you should era!people won't bother about you anymore." hahaha that is bullshit.i won't do that i guess?heee kidding! so here's the thing i have to make plans for myself and that plans will begin next semester..i'm going to be different.

yes different, i will change myself.
first start i won't go out often with my classmate, then i try my best to concentrate on my study(yah heard that one before era pfftt) , i will spend most of my money on me, next i will not rely on others. first thing first , going to class by bus ,if i don't get a car.(abah pls,pls!i wan't a car) .. ok next will be emmm ok wait i'm not finish thinking yet.ok this list will continue later.. Next we going to talk about friendship...

Theres's a lot i need to learn about friendship.(well of course relationship is even harder) But one thing that i know for sure is "Please don't be Racist,Sexist,and Discriminate people." we are not perfect! who cares if he's a macha?she's a dork?she's not pretty and fat?. and he's a gay,or she's a lesbian. yes i feel the same too,i don't get it too..what's the point? and what do they get? but whatever, leave that to them?let them answer the Q. i'm sure soon or later they'll change or in the meantime the guilty feeling of wrongdoing will occur to each and everyone of them.hey everybody makes mistakes! it depends on you guys how you wan't your life to be right? so what i'm saying is based on my observation.. we just have to know their heart don't judge by looking at their appearance. i hate when people talk about others behind others back..that is just not right i'll would do the same if i heard someones talked about me.that is not me(i do that because i'm mad) so end up we keep on talking about each other.when will this things stop? never right? so don't start..just keep it to yourself, hey everybody makes mistakes if you think they should change then tell them in a good way.

ya i know this post is kinda boring and you will forget bout this easily..but i don't mind at least i get my point .  i guess? haha till then... wsalam..

fact

is this what you want? i guess yes..thanks for loving me.and i guess this is the end.i want you to know that i love you and i want to win you back but the feeling of scared and afraid if i hurt you again..it kills me when i can't avoid hurting you..thanks for everything..i care so much about you just that i don't know how to show it..and as always i will hurt the person i love the most...great job era!never better...damn it.ok bye...

for you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBVsHiyHGYI

fake?

owh now i know...thanks. hidup anda akan lebih aman selepas ini. saya hanya membawa sial.


saya minta maaf.

one more can?

here's me.with the snow soft hair.weeee :)

sorry syg after what happend earlier today. i'm going to miss you like mad. i don't want to go home with that kind of goodbye.im sad you know? sorry if i hurt you..i love you ya know?please take a good care of yourself and makan la!hajima since when la you don't eat syg? i know you care a lot about me.and i'm thankful for that. don't forget bout me a cha when im in kedah later..haha...see you soon my dear.love you!

hands down

im going to miss this hand la..

Hajimaaa!!! aaaaaaauummm!

Ouch!

Love, Based on Trust not Lust

or

Love, Based on Truth not Lies

sweet

baby you're too sweet , i feel like wanna eat you. aaumm... nyam nyam... :)

what a long day.

today i woke up ,wait wait.. i forgot. "HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MAMA & ABAH! LOVE YOU GUYS....

weee...ok continue,, then we headed to my kampung .it's been a while since the last time i went there.gush i miss them so much.and my niece is so cute,he can talk now.i love the way he call me aunty mama.like so cute feel like wanna hug him so tight..but i can't.haha. After that kakak and i went to cs to get a hair cut and yah we did pickd up ilah along the way. yes my new hair is sucks i guess?and shit i ain't got no money left after that girl askd for rm39.wutahell?i didn't ask for that kind of hair cut.i want the normal one. shiting...then mama treat us indian food. weee sedap! "Chenai"... cheese nan summore.

p/s:imy mango delight.mwa.

then ilah's mom called her.their car breakdown nearby fire station .i forgot the exact name for that place.then we went to her house.this is the cool part,after arrived i had to climb on the gate to get into the house cause ilah didn't have the key to open the gate.i thought the gate wasn't that high,dengan penuh confidentnya i jump off the tembok then terduduk.hahaha like pergh that is so gila! i could have broke my leg or something.haha..then we were like mechanic with high confident level, take the battery out from that car.long story cut short..we did help the car to start!jyeah we are heroes. weeeee :)
i'm so proud of myself.haha...

p/s:imy like everytime ya know?mwa. come back faster la cha!

decision

'a conclusion or resolution reached after consideration' based on dictionary.


choose what or which is the best for you.it is your own decision, it is your choice,it is your destiny. 


till then,we'll see.................

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING

Hee, Happy Birthday my Mango Delight.. hope ur happy with the surprise(surprise la sangat kan). i wish u all the happiness in this world. i'm happy if ur happy.. i miss you so much, n ily!sayang aiman.

and you did surprised me just now.haha so 0-0 la kan?hahahahahahaha...

sorry i'm speechless. or i'm not use to this thing.hee... sorry if i'm not sweet or something.

take care, wish you all the best,may allah bless u always my dear.. 

:)

15 / 04 / 2011

fucking bullshit..

this is not love.this is bullshit!why her have to suffer.. love is wonderful?that is total crap.rubbish i supposed..fuck! this will end soon.

meatballs

wtf ? feeling useless without having a car. i want you meatball. Like seriously i want u so bad! since 1 or 2 month ago. where can i get a car. please,please let me have you for tomorrow or maybe tomorrow ,tomorrow...

yah great too cool to be true.

fishy

i fucking hate myself right now!

Stairs

I'm going down... this is my turn to go downstairs. or to be exact, every time is my turn. i used to go upstairs but that was just for a while. i'm so glad to have the opportunities to be on the top. i used to be different, my way of thinking were different from the others, that is what abah taught us. and i apply that for myself and i don't like the outcome. maybe i'm too young for that, being perfectionist, fear of failure and etc. that is not normal abah. you , yourself can't even handle it. by the time you turning 40++ you start to realize that thing slowly reduce and the person who help you a lot is mama right? i watch her giving you advice and patient towards all those thing you ever done to her.. i respect her with all my heart and yes she's not a robot she have a heart and feelings too.and sometimes she can't help herself,so by letting all the pressure that you gave to her she will past it to us..i don't mind cause i know what will i feel if i'm in her place.actually i am you and her. this combination is not good for someone like me.. i tried to be nice and i didn't get the same. i'm lost.. i'm not strong enough abah.. i'm sorry... shit haha i'm crying while typing(gila emo) hahaha..again i'm sorry i tried to find myself but i kept on losing track. i should have listen to myself..or i shouldn't? i need someone too abah.you have mama but what about me? the doctor said why don't you refer to your mom and ask her what did she said to your dad that help him becoming what he is now..i've tried but mama will never understand me cause she's tired of listening to these crap. over 25 years she listen to you and now she have to listen to me and of course she won't... she would say arhh that is small matter don't think too much. but for me it is not... what should i do now.i'm sorry cause i'm not your son abah, i disappoint you a lot from the day i was born until now.. there must be something wrong with me.yes it is.. i will change myself again...

today i hit someones car and i have to pay rm125. never gets better.....................................

bitter heart

sorry i'm not being honest to you although you asked me quite a lot. it just that i don't have the guts to tell you this. i'm scared. you make me scared.. and this time for real. shit this heart is in pain right now. i don't know whether i can cope with this feeling.. i don't think you need me anymore. and i know u didn't realize that.maybe one day u will... just take your time and think about it ok? and today i felt like an idiot .. total imbecile!hahaha... crap. luruh nya hati bila kena fake a smile.hahaha.

its been a while now since i thought i can be invisible at certain time and places. and now that feeling occurs again, and this time is different, this time is way cooler, this time is colder... haha i don't know what to say. i guess that thought will never wrong...

better

now i realize its better when you expect less and even better if you don't expect anything.because when you wait for something to happen it is quite disappointing if that thing didn't happen or turn out the other way..

note to yourself : less is good.

fat

i hate you big fat liar! you make me think about you every night and day. is this an addiction? you're so mean and cool with the lie.. and i'm still addicted to you. thank you. so i guess you just afraid to tell that this is the end. its ok let me figure that out. oh yah this is the end.hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

bye...................

decision

i shouldn't have let myself drown into this world of lie. i shouldn't have open the door that leads me to this road thats hard for me to walk. and i don't know how to express this feeling. i'm confused.some might say i'm blurred out. this sense is getting weaker day by day.i don't want to believe on something that is not been proof yet. do i have to feel it? no, i don't want to! what if its not true? then ill wait.........

money

im being considerate as possible.. and this what happened, over 3 semester i have to spend my money and most of it not for myself... the money flow just like running water. what i get is " sampai hati era biar ... kebulur tak makan?" "habis era nak biar ... berlapar la? " wow..after all this while this is what i get.cool, this is just great.please let me cry. shit...

function

this six sense of mine can't function very well lately. is it because i'm not a mind reader?

its all about her

this is the story about her.her live in a world that her cant even decide what her want,cause her's tied up by everything. maybe its her choice or maybe not, i think her don't get the chance so say a word about what her really want for her life (i think). cryptic is her verb. always in obscure. that is her. her can be a good actress and at the same time a terrible liar. not a multitasking kinda person. her kept on thinking when will good things come to her.but her just can think,cause that good things seems so far from her.. worst come to worst her have to accept it.although her try her hard to solve her problem. her have to please everyone. 

i'm so glad i'm not her.  

yr,n!

a minute

thank you. well, then i go alone.

mango delight

Sayang, im sorry i didn't mean to left you just like that nor to hurt you. Yes i know, i make a lot of mistakes and you have to know that i'm trying my best to change. This is not me.i'd notice it but i didn't realize how much i've change. can you help me please, take me to the old me? i almost forgot the real me. Want to know why i changed? it's because of people around me, they make me change, they turn me into someone else. what they did to me make me changed into what i am now. i need something to rely on i think?and maybe its you that i need. you said something about game? did i? fyi for me love is not a game,yes you have your right to believe who ever you want but,em okay i think i don't need to explain further maybe it's true i am mean. Playgirl is it? i'm sorry.i'm was trying to be nice i didn't mean to.....emm  whatever lah. sayang if you think so then go ahead i won't get mad at you. i'm a coward person. can't say no to anyone.helping others and ruin my own happiness..this is not the end..(i forgot wut i want to say) =.="

What i want you to know is that i really want you to take me on a trip somewhere only we know.seriously can u please? i'm willingly to follow you. so we can be ourself and do whatever we want.. just you and me there.imysm and ily af.you are my mango delight.no one can take you from me,cuz i will i eat you up.hehe.yummy..ok maybe nott ;P

ps : to be continue...

Option

there's plenty of option in life.it is up to us which path we want to take..the easier way or the hard way. My life is quite disappointing, maybe it's because of me. i lost what i had before,and now finding my new one have turn my life upside down.what i want to say is where are you when i need you? or should i just back off from everything ?

ps: preparing myself for the worst.

the ell

i came to think, "who we should believe?" like seriously who??

everyone can act.because we are on this kinda so call movie that full of lies and everyone have to play their part. Just like this minute you tell me u got my back and the next minute your telling others bad things about me? what the fuck?
opss..sorry.excuse me..ok calm down era.this is not the way to handle this situation..but the hell with that! fuck you! hahaha....
you guys just can kiss each other like seriously no need to hesitate. you make me laugh so hard till my tears also came out just like in tv drama.hahahahaa..i cant stop laughing and wonder how could you do that to your own friend?this is just great! nothing gets better than this. you really play your part very well ya know?

You hate me? Why? I really wanna know why? What is your problem dude?
You don't have true friend is it? aaaww so sad,to bad to for you la. Wanna know why? Because you not so good friend also la dude! hahaha.. ok this is funny and weird i never wrote something like this.haha you just made me becoming just like you.OMGUSH!! no wayyy....  ok crap did i wrote something stupid? ok whatever! i'm trying my best to be nice.. i may be small and not that strong but i can punch really fast like lightning u cant even see that coming! haha ok that's too cool. haha.but yah somthing liddat la.hahaha        :p





ps : my grammar totally wrong but, who cares? jyeah! :)

pps : ape aku yang terhegeh-hegeh dekat dia? say that again girlfriend! ;)   dush dush dush...

Present for myself!

special thanks to ABAH! i love you so much!

 hee i waited since last year and yah you bought this for me! sayang abah :)

aummm....

And jeng jeng jeng! I bought this for Myself!jyeah! 

Actually today we went to Penang to celebrate kakna's birthday and also find her the perfect present.and of course abah la who paid the present right. i didnt buy anything for you yet cuz i aint got no money la kakna sorry.maybe later k?don't worry.. i love u always.. 

wee walk around gurney plaza and my voice totally disaster homaigush..haha. i miss u guys ya know! we ate Mcd and western food at this one restaurant near Kepala Batas i forgot the name.sorry. hee

then went back home. here some photos i took.

observation

in science,when it comes to experiment something, we have to observe the situation first. am i right?

yeah! so in my case i like to observe my surrounding. including people who i know and those people i just met.. 

so anyway, my point is everyone have their own perspective about other people. in my situation i like to keep it to myself and yah maybe i lie i do tell it to someone, cause sometimes you have these eager kinda feeling that this person should know what'd you think about this other person.so end up you did tell the person about what'd you think of the other person.  get it? 

you might get the wrong idea , i'm sorry but this is not about me talking bad about others its just something that i want to share with you guys.(haha you guys lah sangat!sape tah bace blog ni)  thats ok never mind. so whatever we do people might get the wrong idea about us or maybe its true.maybe we don't realize our mistakes. so as human we should try our best to be the best! weeeee

tsoe

wihtftw. yes why? and tyfe.

Happy Birthday KAKNA!

to my lovely sis! happy birthday kakna.. i love u so much! im so sorry cuz i didnt get the chance to cheer u up with somthing interesting cuz i dont feel so good. maybe next time i guess? anyway  kakna ur turning 21? omg ur getting old!haha..can get married la now?haha.. pls be happy my dear sis. i love u no matter what happen. i guess all i need is u and our family.that is enough love for me. cuz i dont deserve anyone.haha ok that one is out of topic but anyhow happy birthday again.. may allah bless u always..amin.... :)

stop

this is the end. 02032011 im not meant for no one. just let me be me. im sorry, don't hate me and don't bother to love me. thank you.



ps: hcistisly

howedoit

this is how i sleep , cool isn't it? 

p/s: shit! boleh tak i need ur arm right now! like right now !

yeah -.-

ur back. yeah! but why am i not happy or you? fuck my life.




p/s : please iwhysb !!

i wanna

the truth is u did go. just take care. be safe. its going to be tough for me to deal with 3 empty night..
wondering what, when, did, and so on.. damn its hard!

should or shouldn't ?

i dont mind to be alone if i get the chance to buy mp3 player or anything that can distract me from surrounding . hahaha... i don't mind at all it just that one little tiny thing will bother me a lot if i'm there. seeing someone having fun n being nice with everyone. you can help it that is just you. so should i go or shouldn't i? but its still the same,whether i'm going or not the same feeling will occur. and yah you don't have to worry ill understand. thanks for today.fakeass.

stealing

just like that. i don't know , wait who am i again? yah mind reader.good thing i have these sense. is it ? stop stealing my heart away. yah i can feel ur heartbeat. that song reminds me of you. nice one kurnia.

p/s : i miss you tall -.-"

owh look

look what you've done you make fools of everyone. seems like such fun until you lost what you have won.

TECHNOLOGY

human discovered the usage of  mobile phone or i usually call it handphone.
you have one right? then use it !!!! make the call.

Plan

its raining. the sky felt the same . so whats the plan now? empty is what i am.. i hope u were right here. filling this emptiness . who will i turn to? the truth is ur gone. i have this ego. i wont ask why, i wont ask wether you'd move on.  i've changed. this is not me as i were before. tend to keep it to myself. lightning has come. fear has entered. new facial expression. i'm a good actress. the plan is out of control.

p/s : islyaf

password

i think i should kill myself. or lock myself up. i'm a mess. thats the thing. dont refer it as you.just someone i knew. but it doesnt matter anymore.u'll stop.everything.

officially locking myself from this world....

OPEN : ACCESS DENIED


 PASSWORD : _________________.

love

what the fuck is wrong with love la dude? shit..why do people have to be in love and end up like shit. fuck off! i'm tired of this thing. u said ur here for me but no u didn't . my stomach is aching like shit! gastric summore! got to follow my friend to her bf's house a few blocks away from this house.  it was dark and lightning. The hell! fucking shit... i am so pissed right now.. tonight supposed to be the night i'm having my good night sleep but no! i have to listen to this bullshit.... this crap! this love problem.i don't mind actually.. it just bugs me out when that guy don't event bother to show his face and confront with her. wtf dude? u got no balls at all! just tell her the truth. shit! i'm still in pain right now and still listening to her problem although the damage has been done. shit! i'm sleepy. i'm tired. i don't feel good. what should i do? let me sleep please. i think i should shut down now. i need a long rest. need to run away from this life. who would listen to me?no one will understand my condition. no i dont need sweet talker.no i dont need guys and  no i dont  need sympathies. hell yeah! i'm going crazy!

hide the colors of my heart

blue for the tears

red for the love

black for the night spears the star in the sky

can we stop talking ? bout how you broke my heart? calling other peoples name? yah i'm the one to blame. maybe if you stay here a bit longer u will get hurt.  sedih

this is why

hold your thought. i don't care bout anyone anymore. yah one more thing that i'm scared. then i guess you better stop believe in me. why wait? u've already done that. all the time. thanks for the night....

lost in empty morning

morning, but i guess this is not morning anymore.
i thought i am strong enough. don't even bother about it anymore. but i guess i was wrong. wasn't what i expect it to be. but why? i felt the lost. and it is so big. what should i do? i don't want to wake up every morning and have this empty feeling. i shouldn't have this kind of feeling. i have you. i'm so sorry..seriously i am. only allah know..this feeling of mine that can't be describe .. i have to move on. but i already have. maybe i just can't accept that you totally  moved on. or maybe i didn't do anything when i heard bout the news. i'm happy for you then why should i cry? maybe i should. you are right,yes i'm sad and hurt. i am cool or i tried to be cool last night?  shit, what am i talking about. mango delight can u help me? now i realize. the lost.

10/02/2011

 4. 01 am  YES I LOVE YOU AIMAN.

teeett....

yah Happy birthday and congratulation.. at last.  you win !


and now , what should i do? blank.


p/s : no wonder i cried earlier. happened only when its about u.

lie

"I Hate You". yes, but deep down  inside theres a lie in those words. i know you like to play around and lie to people including me. like shit.. but what if one day you say "I Hate You" and you really mean it? how am i suppose to know? and how am i going to believe whether its a lie or you're telling me the truth ? words can lie. but hips don't lie ( joke )  haha so funny era. hilarious ! noott ! =.="

addiction plus sweets

my new addiction is you. T.O.P you have this face. this facial expression of yours makes me feel like oh my gush can you be mine! haha nott. . your new songs help me dance like a G.H.E.T.T.O E.L.E.C.T.R.O ! (u have to spell it one by one ) haha..  ok enough with that. sure u guys will feel the same duhh? he's hot! handsome summore! weeee :)

my sweets. the apple for my meds (what?) haha.. yes, sure you are a good liar. and i can't tell whether ur telling me the truth or not. just like this words i copied from your teetttt. (maybe i lied, you’re not that cute. HAHAHA)  haha you getting better day by day. yet you still have this one thing in you that cant be describe by word. and that makes u diff from others. thanks for the post that i've read it at ( 5.12 a.m 9/02/2011 ) and until now still reading it. . like seriously, never in my life and never occurred to me that someone will wrote something bout me. im so touched ya know! i hope u can wait for just a while .insyaallah the time will come and you will be mine! haha.. you just have to wait and pray for the best.
 and now you are officially become my mango delight!

mad

mad. why do people get mad? there must be a reason for it right? this is the story of me. haha.. always make people mad at me . seriously not on purpose. i try to avoid those madness from everyone including my parents. first of all i'm so sorry if i done anything wrong.. people make mistakes and they will try to improve themselves ( some of them ) including me. i try my best to change for the best. i really don't like myself. i just don't want to hurt anyone. but i end up hurting them and myself to. this is my problem.. this is me. what should i do? this one friend of mine who have gave me a lot of advice when i was breaking apart,   said " era u just have to choose thats all." , " u cant please everyone u r not a robot! " i've been thinking about it and yes its true. but what if my decision is wrong? i don't what to get hurt because of my choice. i guess i'm better off alone. but ill bet no one likes to be alone. they will die of loneliness... allah has make us with partner.why change them? now i have to think. the thinking part is the hardest thing to do because after that i have to make a decision. owh well what crap am i talking about. zee grammar also so wrong. haha.. but who cares im learning okay!

some day some how good things will come to you, all you have to do is accept it with open heart.

yes i will do that. but how am i going to know wether it is good or bad? is there any machine that i can use to detect ? haha.. all you have to do is pray. insyallah it will come. ok see you again.
assalamualaikum...

sudden

yeah its me again. n yes i know its been a while ( again )  i  didn't update anything for the past month..

 started while i was listening to this song, suddenly i remember those days.. the day when we were always together. we got nothing to do after class then we will go to this place near PTAR. usually i will sit beside u after that we would go nuts and play with the webcam. theres plenty of our pictures together. i'm sorry for losing them. such a big lost for me, blame my lappy. n blame me to for losing u. what have i done.. what should i do? will they be someone just like you? naahh no one can replace u. ur just the best i ever had. (its lame but who cares)  such a waste, what an idiot i am.. i can make decision. i do.. just that i don't want to hurt either... i'm scared. i blame myself for what had happened. i should blame myself. this is not what i wanted it to be.  *e*e   do i get the second chance?