bro ken

to many broken things.cannot be fix. it will fall sooner or later.

loveloveland

i've lost in our love fantasy. its a great thing to feel. but in the end we have to snap back to reality. and realize all this may have grown you up or knock you down. it depends on yourself actually. we cant blame others. we have the right to think,  to feel, and to choose.

KECTHup!

Assalamualaikum,

its been a while now since my last writing. i have no clue on what to write. although there's many things that i want to share here. so i guess lets just start about my life in University.

i am now still in uitm shah alam.but in a different course. the course that im taking right now is Graphic design. kinda disappointed when entering this course because i have a lot to catch up. we were left far far behind. we as in me and aiman . and i started entering the class after 3 weeks of study. such a mess. anyway lets just say that im not in a good condition this semester. catching up is harder that i thought. my feelings gets all mix up. thinking on quitting study. but naah for sure my parents wont allow me. economy crisis they would say. its hard to find job nowadays. you should be thankful to have the chance to further your study.many unfortunate people would want to be like you. ok then era you are now going to build up your confident and try to push all the bad things behind and change your bad attitude and turn it into something good! haha its too long and too complicated.

new chapter of my life. i should try new things.new new new. that should be good for me.

like we used to be

transformer

its been quite a while now i didnt write anthing. i guess i should start now and start fresh. before this i used this blog to express my sadness, things that had happened between you and me. but we're 21 now. and we have a lot of things to think beside our love desire. i guess love have make me think deep. deeper than i used to think. its about being mature and independent. i'll pray to Allah every single day.. hoping that HE give us taufik & hidayah and iman. Of all the challenges that we're having im hoping that Allah will bestow us patience and mercy.  what ive learn is that there's a limit in love. i've gone through your tumblr just now. and i realise there were hints about you getting tired of us. but i guess i never give up. until recently you realise that you have wasted your teenage life with crappy love. its ok aiman. i guess this is your time.. and i should respect that.. All guys i mean all mens are like that.. they're not ready for commitment. i guess i should think that way too..since there's many things to do in life.. aiman i know i've done so many bad things towards you. i've hurt your feeling.i have broke your trust.. and etc. im sorry for that. i really am sorry. and i can assure you i am changing to be better me and better muslimah.but i guess thats not enough rite sayang.. Ya Allah.. help me. i dont know how to explain what im feeling right now. im confused. but i know you always be there for me Allah.. and im glad that you help me to think wise. and not to feel grieved for losing u aiman. i love you.. just one last thing , after this if you ever feel angry please go and take a wuduk. insyaallah Allah will calm you down. i trust you aiman and i believe you..there's a good side of you. you just have to believe it. i know you can aiman. my love for you will never end. as i always pray for you to be my khalifah.. the husband and the father of our children. amin. insyaallah. and i never regret having you being part of my life over these years.


i love you AIMAN FIRDAUS and always will..

tireeeeeeed of listening and believing

hello present me

low self-confident . that's is what i'm struggling with now. i have this fear , this fucking feeling inside of me that i've been avoiding. i just can't stand it. it's getting worst than ever. past couple of weeks when i did my presentation in front of lecturer and my friends. i didn't feel anything at first. but all of a sudden this weird feeling came crawling into my mind. and i don't know whether my heart beat slowly or faster than normal as it always do. then i feel like i lose my consciousness for a short time because of a temporarily insufficient supply of oxygen into my brain. i can't see clearly.my eye sight is getting blur. i've tried to fight that fear but failed to do it until now. still suffer with this fucking annoying symptom. i know you will think this is stupid.i'd try not to believe.but sometimes it kills me for not knowing what is happening to me. i just hope you and me understand what is happening to me right now. and figure this out.

ps: i'm lack of everything. easily give up and pemalas.that's my fucking problem.pemalas. i don't know why.i have no effort in doing something.i do have interest in something but i have no effort on trying my best to learn it by myself.this is why when i do something then i stop doing it. it is because i feel like i'm so stupid. i'm surrounded by creative people. i feel stupider than ever. with people kept on yelling and telling me that i'm stupid. push me harder to not believing in myself. what am i supposed to do. Ya Allah please help me.please guide me.. let me be strong..